For my 27th birthday this past July, I made a few resolutions; just a few things I wanted to accomplish during the descent into my 28th year of fabulousness. With almost 6 months behind us, I thought it might be a good time to check in on my progress.
- Start tanning - I got suckered into a monthly subscription at a tanning salon, that I only used once, and didn't cancel for at least 3 months. I also bought $100 worth of tanning lotions. Money well spent if you ask me.
- Keep a hair color for more than a month - that didn't work out so well. I'm already on color change #17
- Lose some weight... again - finally, something I accomplished! 13 pounds down, 4780 to go.
- Stop trying to kill myself in the middle of the night - I decided that I was going to cure my sleep apnea all on my own and not waste money on one of those fancy face vacuums. I'm still working out the kinks.
- Date more non gay men - I just gave up on dating all together - problem solved.
- Stop playing bumper cars in real life - so far, I have yet to add more dents and scratches to my once pristine vehicle. I'm still plotting on having someone steal it, and burn it in the woods so I can collect insurance money. Oh wait... that's illegal isn't it? Forget everything you just read.
- Maintain my sanity while working 7 days a week - this was a lost cause; I don't even know why I added this to my list in July. Maybe the voices made me do it.
- Escape the shanty townhouse - DONE!
- Become a world renowned writer - yeah, about that...
- Stop donating money to the richest county in America - *sigh*
Earlier this year I seemed to have developed a fetish for donating my funds to Fairfax County for a variety of different traffic violations. First off, I would like to say that this county is far from needing assistance from me. In fact, I shouldn't even be living in such a classy county. With the money I make, and the insane amount of debt I have (which is having a tailgating party at the foot of my bed right now, if you're interested), I should be living somewhere like Newark, NJ. Who cares if Newark has the highest crime rate in the country? Minor details.
I made a vow that I would stop finding ways to hand over hundreds of dollars to the courts, but on the day I escaped the shanty house for good, I got pulled over for speeding... again. Can I just point out that I have been driving for over 10 years and was never pulled over for anything until this year? I'm convinced that I'm being racially profiled. I graciously accepted my ticket and went on my way. Earlier this week I received two letters from the DMV. Letter number one stated that I currently have 11 points on my license and could be suspended if I hit 12 points during a one year span. Letter number two stated that my license has actually been suspended for two weeks already due to failure to pay my speeding ticket.
I did what any rational adult would do: texted a friend with an abundance of obscenities, wished for a vat of alcohol, and reluctantly reached for my wallet. There were three steps necessary to get this situation taken care of: pay the court the amount of the ticket, pay the DMV a reinstatement fee and take a trip to the DMV with proof of payment. After paying nearly $400, I illegally drove myself there the next morning ready to take action. Apparently, the receipt on my cell phone wasn't proof enough because the court website still reflected an outstanding balance. I was told to come back at a later time. It seems that I'm expected to ride my bike around the construction zone that is my entire neighborhood. I got in my car, suspended license in hand, and drove to work. Later that day, I received an email from my bank my checking account was weeping. I'm still wishing for that vat of alcohol.
