The Flub Trub

 

I know I can't be the only person in the world who realizes that there's is a difference between fat and thick, but this shit needs to be addressed immediately. Ladies, you need to get over yourselves already and call it like it is. So, maybe you don't like the word fat (I know I sure as hell don't) which is why I coined the term "flubalicious" some years ago. But if that doesn't work for you, there are an array of other fabulous words one can use:

• Enormous
• Chunky
• Large
• Huge
• Flabby
• Heavy
• Tubby
• Portly
• Blubber-butt

Truly, the sky is the limit, so knock yourselves out and find one that defines you.

 

We have become so sensitive to what is real that we have become a society of lazy, lame-asses who can't do anything for themselves. This isn't exclusive to weight either; kids aren't allowed to play dodge ball anymore because "it's mean", and even though little Johnny is a fucking moron, he will get a blue ribbon anyway because "it's fair". No, you know what's fair? Failing, knowing you failed, and then working your ass off so you don't fail again. It's called character building. I digress.



You are not "thick"

I think the problem is words like "thick" were conjured up in this grey area to make people feel better about themselves. I'm not saying that you're not beautiful, or special, or awesome, or funny, or smart. I'm sure you are. I'm just saying, if you're fat, then be fat! If you don't like being fat... then change being fat. Don't just choose an adjective that holds your hand while you skip into the magical world of self-delusion.

The same goes for skinny women - please stop calling yourselves fat when you're a size 6. You're normal-sized (I won't say healthy, because weight and health have absolutely nothing to do with each other). I hate to break it to you, but you're a woman. Women are built different than men. Women are designed to have curves. We have wide set hips because we bear children. We have breasts because that's how those children we bear get their sustenance. This was all part of the master plan - it's in the blueprints.

Before you start cursing my name under your breath "she doesn't get it - my man loves the way I look - I think I'm sexy - I feel great about myself". The thing is, I do get it - I'm not skinny, nor am I regular-sized or thick. I am one hefty, self-insulated bitch, and that won't change until I decide to change - not because I started using an emotionally friendly adjective. People come in all shapes and sizes; we're not all supposed to look the same and we're not attracted to the same kinds of people either. I know I can't date men with tiny heads (mainly because my head is so abnormally large it becomes the main attraction in all photos). I'm greatful that no matter what size I have been, there have been men who are attracted to me. Granted, my winning personality glistens and sparkles no matter what I look like.

I may be fat, but I can change that. You'll always be a douchebag.