The Weight Game

Any person who claims that they "love" their body no matter what their size isn't exactly telling the truth. There's a little lie in that statement because I have yet to meet someone who isn't on some kind of weight loss diet. Thin and heavy alike, no one is ever satisfied. We might love ourselves, which we all should, but there is always a human need to get to the next goal: to be better, to do bigger, to conquer the next goal. From the big girl's point of view, I have little belief that other big girls love the way their bodies look. It's a delicate balance though, because while I do have confidence (most days) and I love the person that I am on the inside, my outside doesn't reflect that. Sure, there are days where I look great - my jeans are hugging my curves in all the right places and my waist looks slimmer than usual, but let's face it - I'm not happy with my outer appearance. Anyone who says a size 18 looks just as good as a size 8 is fooling themselves.

I will say that I am proud of myself in recent months. I finally got the inner kick in the ass that I needed to get my life together. I decided it was time to make the necessary life changes to lose weight - not for vanity reasons, but for health reasons. I think that makes the difference from my mindset to the mindset of those who just want to fit into that perfect summer bikini. My motivation isn't fitting into a piece of string you wear at the beach - my motivation is to live a long, happy and healthy life and you simply can't do that when you're overweight. The nice trade off is that you end up looking hotter and hotter with every pound gone.

With 30 pounds behind me, I'm not going to say it's been easy, but it's been extremely gratifying to see my progress, my inner will-power develop and my self esteem blossom. There are some things about this adventure that piss me the hell off though...

• Every skinny girl around me eats like utter shit and remains skinny. Why oh why didn't that happen to me?! Genetics? I doubt it. God's evil little plan if you ask me. Naturally you would think that these skinny people would be working out to maintain their size, but I reassure you, most aren't. They are just naturally tiny sized. And for that I say you can all kindly fuck off.
  
• Since we're talking about skinny bitches who don't try to be skinny, I hate that I'm always going to have to monitor my weight. My lifelong journey of maintaining my goal weight will be something that I diligently have to watch forever. I'm at such a high risk of gaining weight back that I have no choice but to eat bananas for my snacks and work out 6 days a week to keep myself at an even keel.  Un-mothereffing-fair.
  
• Have you ever noticed just how many commercials on television are about junk food? KFC, McDonald's, Domino's, Papa Johns and every sugary cereal you can imagine come on back to back to back every single commercial break. No wonder when you're laying down watching TV you get this overwhelming desire to dive into a pool of chocolate milkshake with a side of french fries. Seriously though, when was the last time you saw a commercial about a fruit cocktail?
  
• Friends and family constantly telling me "oh you can't eat that" or asking me "what are you allowed to eat?". I will smack someone if another person tells me what I can and can not eat. If I budgeted a small snack sized bag of Cheetos to accompany my otherwise very healthy lunch, then leave me to it. I know exactly what I'm doing and I can eat anything that I want within moderation. You, my dear friend, can go dive into a volcano if you try to stop me.

I guess these scenarios just come with the territory. I am in love with the fact that so many people in my life are going through there own life overhaul and losing the weight that has been holding them down for years. Congrats to all of us; and cheers to the next 30 pounds gone!